Feeling Oblivion
by Emilia2
Summary: When a translation mistake proves fatal, can Hoshi ever forgive herself?


Challenge - Tucker - Tragic - Glass!  
Title: Feeling Oblivion  
Author:Emilia  
E-mail: Blackemilia@hotmail.com  
Rating:PG  
Category:Angst/Friendship/character death  
Codes:Tu,S  
Summary: When A translation mistake by Hoshi proves fatal, can she ever forgive herself?  
Disclaimer:No, i don't own these people or this series, but it doesn't matter cos possession is only nine tenths of the law :)  
  
This is my first EVER fic and hasn't been beta'd yet cos i'm waiting for the nice lady to get back to me....but i couldn't wait any longer, so there ya go! please R and R and dont be too mean?  
  
  
  
"Tre tag unsalle tri'eban Qo'ra dann tre alle zi fonn ge'mutsatte nonn?" Ensign Hoshi Sato whispered to herself whilst gazing at the endless stars passing her window. Since returning from the away mission to Qo'ralia she had been moved to these quarters on the opposite side of the ship to her old ones. Briefly she pondered the fact that the stars were once again 'going the wrong way', before whispering "Tre tag unsalle tri'elkan Qo'ra, dann tre alle ze fonn ge'mitatten noon?" Once again she seemed transfixed with the stars, then stated out loud "Its just a little bit off, but that was enough"  
  
After almost an hour of looking aimlessly out of her window and quietly berating herself for her mistake, Hoshi's eyelids began to drop shut, and her head fell onto her arms, her silky black hair falling all around her. Right now sleep was the one thing Hoshi needed, but every time she dropped off she could hear the events from Qo'ralia repeated.   
  
Her dreams started off with the mumbling voices of Tarsus and Eleen, the Qo'ralians who the away team had made contact with, but she could never make out what they said. Without having been able to follow the conversation, she was then expected to translate a phrase......"Tre tag unsalle tri'eban Qo'ra dann tre alle zi fonn ge'mutsatte nonn?" she asked confidently. Mere moments would pass before Tarsus became enraged. After this the dream was all a jumble, shots like thunder were fired from somewhere, one shot always went astray of its target and hit a window in the shaded side of the room. The sound of glass shattering was now foremost, and seemed to last an eternity. Hoshi ran round frantically, trying to make the violence stop, desperately searching the extremities of her mind for a phrase of the Qo'ral language which might make Tarsus stop. Although something occurs to her, its always just too late......"TRIP" she screams piercingly, before awaking with a jolt and looking around her, thinking for that moment that it was only a dream!  
  
This time tho, her new room mate, Ensign Elizabeth Cutler had walked in just at the point when she screams Commander Tucker's name. Never before had she realised that it wasn't just in her dream that she does it.  
  
Liz looked sadly at Hoshi for a second. "I'm sorry Hosh i didn't mean to wake you," Cutler stated softly. Hoshi looked up at Elizabeth and merely nodded, more an acknowledgement of Liz's existence than a sign that she had actually heard what her room mate had said.  
  
For several minutes, Ensign Cutler tried to make polite conversation, mentioning how Doctor Phlox had let her go off duty 20 minutes early as it was very quiet in sick-bay, and briefly re-telling a conversation she had had in the mess with Travis Mayweather about space dust. But Hoshi's mind was firmly fixed back in her dream, although this time one of the waking variety. Gun fire and breaking glass was all she heard.  
  
Ensign Cutler meant well. Hoshi at least knew that. She would check on Hoshi whenever she could, always trying to give her words of sympathy and encouragement. This in mind, Ensign Sato looked at the older woman and smiled for a moment. pleasant thoughts, pleasant thoughts - Hoshi thought to herself, but it was no use. The usual anguish came right back into her head and the smile disappeared. How can Liz even try and console me? She wasn't there, she doesn't understand. It was my fault, ALL my fault, and no one else will accept it. Maybe they do, maybe they all hate...........Hoshi's train of thought was interrupted by the bleep of the communications panel on the wall.   
  
"Ensign Sato, can you please report to my ready room" Captain Archer's voice boomed over the comm to a startled Hoshi and Elizabeth. Without really considering it, Hoshi slammed her hand on the comm and replied with a simple "Straight away sir, Sato out." With another quick nod to Liz, Hoshi was out the door. As soon as it shut she ran through the corridors to the nearest turbo lift, putting concerted effort into avoiding peoples eyes as she passed them.  
  
As with everything else in the past week, Hoshi's attempts to avoid sympathetic eyes were just a little bit off. She lifted her head as she stepped into the lift, and met the world-wise grey eyes of Malcolm Reed. Without saying a word, Reed placed his left hand on her shoulder, he'd always struck Hoshi as a man who had problems with verbal communication, but his gesture was very clear to her. This time even a polite acknowledgement was out of the question. Instead she just stood, almost as if he weren't there. Although Malcolm didn't understand why Hoshi reacted like this, he did get the message and removed his hand and exited the turbo lift at first possible opportunity.  
  
As she hurriedly left the lift and walked in the direction of the captains ready room, her head was awash with sounds from the mission, with words of the complex (overly so, she thought) language, with Commander Tucker's friendly reassuring words, with the glass falling to the ground, and with her scream. By the time she entered the room where Jonathan Archer sat she almost in tears, but she managed to gain some control over emotions. Compose yourself ensign.......She repeated the phrase over and over in her head.  
  
  
Just as she reached a comparative level of composure, a wave of fear washed through her mind. The captain is going to HATE you Hoshi, you let him down, you let everyone down, you've been telling yourself that this has effected you worse than anyone, but he was Archers BEST FRIEND.........Making a mistake in her own field of expertise had always been Hoshi's worst fear, that much had been evident from day one.....she had gone to the Captain to tell him that she was bound to fail, and he had told her she wouldn't, that they needed her.......Try telling that to commander Tucker ..... she thought.  
  
"I'm sorry to have to call you here Ensign, I know you're still taking downtime, but I'm afraid that Admiral Forrest has asked for a first hand record of events on the day of.....well, you know." Archer spoke professionally but softly, and smiled reassuringly at a frightened Hoshi Sato.  
  
"Ok sir," Hoshi started slowly. "Where do you want me to start?" she looked timidly at the captain, as if scared his eyes might reveal the true feeling behind his professional veneer. "I think from the point you entered the home of the Qo'ralians," the captain answered firmly.  
  
"Ok..........." She trailed off nervously, darting looks between the Captain and the floor, before starting in earnest. "Well Eleen, the female invited us into their home, just to have a look around. At this point her husband Tarsus was looking about himself nervously, twitching, and signalling to Eleen that he did not want strangers in his home. But she was much more friendly, and invited us anyway....." She trailed off again, she could feel her face turning red and tears filling her eyes.  
  
"I know you don't want to Ensign, but I think Trip's family need to know what happened." Archer tried to calm the young ensign, but instead just pushed her over the edge. "When they find out they are going to know it was my fault," Hoshi wailed as a single burning tear ran down her red face. Archer stood for a second, unsure how to continue. Dropping the professional demeanour, he approached Hoshi slowly, and wiped the tear away with his hand. "Ensign, no, Hoshi, do you know how many times you've saved all of our lives? We are all in your debt, you couldn't be expected to translate perfectly after only a short time," Jon smiled and Hoshi nodded, and continued.  
  
"On the way to the house, Commander Tucker....um.....Trip was making small talk with Eleen, just asking her about the climate, that kind of thing, and i walked silently behind with Tarsus. But on entering the house, the UT just seemed to phase out, I never found out why, I think the energy source for the house was emitting a dampening field of some sort, which may have been the cause of the UT's failure." At this point Hoshi stopped momentarily to breath, then took up where she left off.  
  
"After a few moments of confusion, I realised what had happened and worked on translating what Eleen and Trip were saying to one another. The translations were sketchy at best, but i think they understood each other. The idle conversation went on another 10 minutes or so then began to dwindle. So Trip asked me to tell Eleen that the Qo'ral seem a most hospitable species and that he would be delighted to invite both her and Tarsus for a meal on Enterprise. I thought for a moment, and the words just spilt out.....i don't understand how i managed to get it so wrong!" Hoshi lashed out at herself.  
  
"Tre tag unsalle tri'eban qo'na dann tre alle fonn ge'mitsatte nonn?" Hoshi muttered almost under her breath, and shook her head. "pardon ensign?" Archer stated quizzically.  
  
"Sorry sir, that is what i said, only a very slight deviation from what i SHOULD have said.........but enough. At the time i didn't even realise my mistake, I didn't honestly have time to......after a second of consideration Tarsus reached for his phase pistol. I just stood there and looked shocked whilst Trip told me to get on the floor." Hoshi stopped blankly and looked at the Captain. A few moments past and the captain asked Hoshi to continue. To that request she burst into tears once again and croakily said "you know what happens next captain." She stopped for a split second, until something in her head told her to continue. "I just stood there and watched as Tarsus fired round after round. the first two missed Trip, one hit a window, adding to the commotion, but finally the third round was fired and it hit Trip right in the heart. I screamed and fell to the floor but there was nothing i could do." Stopping bluntly on that note, Hoshi wondered how she managed to say that so matter-of-factly as the captain just looked at her grimly and then lowered his head.  
  
"Thank you ensign, you're dismissed," Archer ordered, much to Ensign Sato's surprise. She looked around herself, wondering if she's misheard, of if he would change his mind and decide he wanted to talk about it. On deciding that he really wanted her to leave, she turned and fled towards the door. Just as she went to press the button to open it, Jon added "Hoshi, you know we're all thinking of you, and that no one holds you responsible, we still need you to perform your duty to this ship. you just need time to realise that theres nothing you could have done," After saying this he smiled sincerely, and she smiled back, a feeling of comfort washing over him, a feeling that no one else, not Liz, not Malcolm, not anyone had managed to to give to her since Trip's tragic death.  
  
As she meandered back to her quarters she saw several crew members she knew. Each one received a smile and a polite "how are you?" They each reacted with surprise, but more importantly with a warm smile, rather than a sympathetic one.  
  
The door of her quarters slid open and Hoshi walked inside expecting to see Elizabeth. Instead there was a note on her bunk, it read "Dear Hoshi, I know there is nothing i can say to comfort you right now, but you need to know I'm thinking of you. I hope talking to the Captain helped, and i hope what's on the dresser will help too." Hoshi read it over three times, before dropping it and moving to the dresser. Sitting down slowly, she saw a white china dish containing an individual slice of Pecan Pie and a glass of cold milk. As she took a mouthful, she looked to the stars out her window and whispered "This ones for you."  
  
  
  
  
The End!! 


End file.
